That Feeling
by JaeJae
Summary: Harry's secret admirer is on the verge of admitting her feelings to him...and Snape walks in an ruins it all. [complete] [rr]


Disclaimer: HP is not mine otherwise this would be on Fictionpress.net. I'm not a plagiarizer so the plot sure isn't someone else's. You know the drill. Don't sue for something stupid. The only thing that's mine is the plot. And there are certain phrases in here that ARE copyrighted phrases and belong to my friends Nick and Rethyn.  
  
Author's Note: I enjoyed this one. This is the first actually finished piece of fanfiction that I've written since the last chapter of Wind and Dragons that is posted up. Please enjoy this! Read the author's ending notes too if you could please! reviews are always welcome.  
  
"That" Feeling  
  
He left me.  
I was alone again.  
I'd sat up the previous night with him, talking. Just talking. What about? Everything. How I wish I'd just told him how I feel...  
  
"So you're going through with it then, Harry?"  
We were nestled in the cozy warmth of the Gryffindor Common room's fire. I had a book on my lap, closed. My legs were tucked under me.  
He was sitting on the love seat opposite the couch I was on. His legs were dangling over the armrest, his back propped up against the other. He was toying with the throw pillow on his stomach as we talked.  
"I guess. What other choice do I have?"  
I shrugged. "I don't know. But isn't it more a matter of what you want?"  
His eyes met mine. "Since when did they ever care about what I want?"  
I shrugged again. "They never seemed to care about you."  
Harry picked at a loose thread on the pillow. Knowing him as I did, I figured it was time to switch the subject or he'd throw a tantrum. Sometimes I did think he did live up to the name of 'celebrity'.  
"So...did you say bye to your girlfriend?"  
He raised an eyebrow; something he'd learned from Ron. "A girlfriend?" he asked, half a chuckle gurgling in his throat.  
Uncomfortable, I shifted my position on the couch. My book fell, and I, grateful for the excuse to hide my red cheeks, bent to pick it up. After taking my sweet time to pick it up, I sat up and resumed talking. "You don't have one?"  
He barked out a laugh. "Do I look like I have one?"  
"Um...no." I felt like an idiot.  
He grinned. "I'm not looking for one. Besides, who'd want to keep a long distance relationship? It'd be hard to keep a good relationship if I'm in the States supposedly hiding and she's here." He finally pulled the stubborn thread loose and tossed on the floor. "And I don't think anyone here even likes me. They're all too afraid Vol- ah, You-Know-Who will eat them up if they associate with me."  
I made sure to keep quiet. Instead, I opened my book and began to scribble a new poem.  
"Lemme see?" he reached for it. I handed it to him. Maybe he'd get the hint and I wouldn't have to say to him directly how I felt.  
After a moment, he gave it back. He sat there, pondering, his eyes glossy. "Pretty deep stuff."  
I blushed. "Really?"  
"Yeah." He smiled at me. "Who is that guy? The one you mention in your poem?"  
"Why do you ask?"  
"Just seems like you've got that whole 'butterfly-in-my-stomach-can't- live-without-you-weak-in-the-knees-kiss-me-you-fool'[] feeling for him. Pretty deep[]."  
What an ignorant sot! I fought the urge to strangle the bloody ignoramus. I agreed with him. "Yeah...I guess I do have a real 'deep' feeling for him."  
"Lucky guy."  
"Yeah..."  
Awkward silence.  
"So..." Harry cleared his throat. "I'm betting it'll be different when I leave, huh?"  
I nodded, my throat tightening. "Yeah...we'll all miss you."  
"For sure; I mean, how'll you live without me? It'll..."  
I don't know how I'll live without you...  
I can't live without you...  
I don't want to live without you...  
"...besides, you all know that there's always Muggle post. And we all agreed that- oy, are you crying?"  
Had he still been talking? I had been so engulfed in my depressive thoughts that I hadn't been paying attention.  
In a quick second, he was at my side. "Are you okay?"  
That was Harry. He was always concerned for his friends. I don't know, but his concern for me just made another wave of tears come up.  
I swiped at them, furious that I'd allowed myself to cry in front of him. "I'm fine, Harry!"  
There was that silence in the air. That incredibly dense silence that always hits before the storm.  
He hugged me.  
It was the weirdest sensation. Sure, he'd hugged me before, but this was just different. It ignited a wild gale of emotions.  
It was that whole thing he'd said before. Butterflies scattered in my stomach, and my knees buckled. I couldn't breathe. The tears flowed more than ever.  
The hug hardly lasted for more than ten seconds. When he let go, I felt as though a gloom was settling on me.  
"Maybe you're tired."  
Good reasoning. After all, he had never seen me break into tears over nothing.  
"Maybe I am..." I mumbled.  
"You should go to bed." He helped me to my feet. "Then you'll be awake by the time I have to leave later."  
I allowed him to bring me to the stairs of the girls' dorm. "Harry, you won't leave before I can say bye, will you?"  
His green eyes met mine, and a brief flash of that flooded my stomach. "I'll get somebody to wake you up."  
"Promise?" I insisted.  
"I PROMISE! Now go to bed!"  
  
I think I was half asleep by the time somebody came to wake me up. I don't even remember who it was.  
I stumbled down the stairs, eyes hardly opened. When they adjusted to the light, I saw Harry. He stood, with his bags, in the common room. "Hey, you're awake."  
"You're going now?" I asked. The tears, which had hardly left, were back already.  
He nodded, and then stretched his arms out. "Can't leave without saying bye, right?"  
I slowly advanced into his embrace. "Did you say bye to Ron and the others?"  
His voice floated around somewhere near my ear. "Yep. They all woke up easier than you did. They're all back in bed."  
I couldn't hold the tears in. I felt like a little kid. "Do you have to go?"  
He pulled away and grinned sadly. "Yeah...I do." I could swear his eyes had tears in them. He was doing a hell of a good job keeping them in.  
I can't live without him. I can't live without him. I can't live without him. I can't I can't I can't I can't...I need to tell him. I need to.  
"'Arry! Yeh need to get along now!" Hagrid called. "'Urry up!"  
I need to tell him. I need to do this.  
"Harry, I-"  
"Let's go." Snape's silky voice invaded. Mcgonagall stood beside him.  
  
Harry gave me one last hug and picked up his bags. "I'm ready."  
I can't live without him...  
"Go back to bed." Snape ordered.  
Harry strode out, taking no looks back.  
  
I wish I'd told him how I feel. I wish that Snape hadn't walked in just then.  
"...Harry...I wish you'd have stayed...wish I could have told you how I feel...Harry...I...love..."  
  
-END-  
  
Author's End Notes: Liked it? I'm leaving it up to your imaginations to choose who it is that narrates this.   
  
[] "Butterfly-in-my-stomach-can't-live-without-you-weak-in-the-knees-kiss- me-you-fool" was created and copyrighted by Nick E. my greatest friend in the whoooooole wide world [] "Pretty deep" was used RIGHT after by Rethyn, so that phrase following the above is copyright (teehee)  
  
REVIEWS PLEAAAAAASE! 


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